Moments like this

Today has been quite a reflective day for me. I am so thankful for where my life is right now, at this moment. I am so eternally grateful for the blessing of being a mother and a wife, and that I am at the stage of life I have dreamed about. I GET to say that I stay at home with Zach when I am asked if I work. Do I wish we didn't have to worry about paying our bills each month, YES! But, in the big scheme of things, that is such a small moment, and I try to not let my stress of "today" get me down about tomorrow and focus on what really matters. I read this quote by Sister Hinckley and it is how I feel. "I don't want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails. I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp. I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbors children. I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone's garden. I want to be there with children's sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder. I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived." Yep, thats me or who I hope to be.
Today as I sat at church and watched Zach color and play with his toys, I thought wow-- we made it. He was playing and not really paying attention, but when he heard words that we have talked about like prophet, temple, Holy ghost, he gets this look like "I know that!" Then when I walked him to nursery and he walked right in, well practically ran in, wow-- we made it. What I mean is, there were times when it was difficult to make it through sacrament meeting without needing to take him out in the halls. And then those painful weeks/months of taking him to nursery and he would scream or pound on the door or throw himself on the floor. I looked in that nursery room today, and saw my little Zachy with his hands in his lap listening to the lesson and thought aah, we made it! Don't get me wrong, we are far from perfection in any of the above categories, but for today, it was such a great feeling. He is quite the chatterbox lately, and loves to talk or tell you about anything! He is so silly. He plays so well by himself and loves anything with monster trucks or cars. We are working on our Articles of Faith, and he knows the 1st Article of Faith, and loves the part about the Holy Ghost. He gets so excited to say that part. I love that tonight I was reading/singing the book "Love you Forever" and he wanted me to keep singing to him. Then he would look at me, grab my neck and give me a big hug then kiss me. Oh! It melted my heart, and I am loving these mommy moments with my little boy. These 3 years with my little boy has erased from my mind those difficult years where I never thought we would be here. My heart still remembers, and goes out to my friends who are still there, but for tonight my heart is simply overflowing with gratitude for moments like this. The countless prayers filled with tears asking "WHY?!" make me so thankful for what I have learned. I can look back and know this was all part of the plan and for this moment in my life I am so grateful. To know I am where I need to be, trying to do what He wants me do and be who I know I can be.